idol: an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.

worship: adoring reverence or regard.

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I posted this video on my Facebook wall a few months ago. I loved it. And I still do. I love this simple explanation of how we can enjoy the gifts of God.

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When we are pursuing God, all of the gifts in our lives can be just that. Gifts. Blessings. Its a very simple truth. 

The problem comes when we detour from pursuing God to pursuing the gift.  Whatever it may be…it can be a good thing. But when we put it in the place of God it's no longer good.

Lately I've been struggling. Restless. Feeling the need for change. The need for purpose in my days and intention in what I do. At the same time, lazy and unmotivated to really do anything. 

A frustrating place to be.

But in little bits, I think what's needed is becoming clear.

Saturday night, browsing through blogs, a little motivational piece of art caught my eye. These were the words that drew my attention:

Facebook does not love you. It's great to connect there.
But you will leave it feeling more empty.
Address what it is that you're numbing.

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I was stirred by these words, but it was late and I didn't think too long and hard about it. Just kind of mentally tucked it away to consider later.

Yesterday, as we listened to a Bible study, the pastor was speaking of Jesus coming to deliver us from this present evil age. (Galatians1)

His example of the evil age: an age in which we are drawn to loving creation more than our Creator. 

He said when we do this, we are never satisfied, so we are led to self-medicate in all sorts of ways.

(Like numbing ourselves with Facebook?)

He went on to make the point that Jesus came to free us from worshiping something that never satisfies us and always leaves us looking for more. 

And not only that, Jesus came to free us to worship Him; to be free to seek and find the satisfaction we so desperately long for.

So what does this have to do with idols?

Back to the video with Noel Piper… she says when we go after the things in creation instead of going after God, then that becomes idolatry.

Would I consider myself an idolater? No.

But, if an idol is something you worship in place of God, then am I an idolater? Yes.

What are the idols that draw my worship?

A clean house. A healthy, homemade meal. An accomplished day. A task list with all of the tasks crossed off. A family that loves and enjoys one another. A faithful and loving marriage. 

Being patient and kind. Being a supportive and gracious wife. Being a fun and inspiring mother. Being a faithful friend. Being a follower of Jesus.

Idols do not always look like wicked little gremlin creatures that make you feel like they might be out to torture your soul.

Idols can be good, beautiful things. Wonderful things. Noble things. God-honoring things.

But the moment I shift from pursing Jesus with all of my heart to pursuing one of these good things, I have erected an idol that I will bow down before. I will seek satisfaction in something other than Jesus. 

And I will never be satisfied.

I haven't turned down some dark treacherous path in my life lately. I'm not making foolish, destructive decisions that will destroy my life and leave me empty. No shocking secrets here.

But, whether it be blamed on laziness, distraction or just simple unawareness, I have been chasing idols. 

Even though I haven't thought of it in those terms until now, I have known what I was doing. As I've chased after one thing or another, I've known from the start of pursuit that it was not going to end with joy.

Still I chase. Why?

Only Jesus satisfies. I know this. Absolutely know. 

Yet I trick myself into believing that good things are worth my pursuit. Worth giving my heart to. As long as I pursue those things I'm never satisfied. Never.

Pursue Jesus. And all these things will be added. Gifts. Enjoyed out of a loving pursuit of the One who gives them all.

These early months of 2012 feel like they are flying by faster than I can even process. Even though we haven't been exceptionally busy, the time still flies. Guess I must be getting old!

Here's a little catch up of our month thus far….

This year for the first time we celebrated Purim with some good friends. It was a fun experience…one the kids thoroughly enjoyed! We had a handful of Esthers, a Mordecai and a Haman. And LOTS of noise!

Not long after that, spring break arrived and we hit the road for a visiting tour of all our favorite people (who live within driving distance!).

We spent a night with my sister, then a night with my aunt, uncle and cousins. Both places lots of fun for us and our girls.

Then we headed off to visit my grandparents.

I feel like it is such a gift that all of my grandparents are alive and well! One set lives close by and we get to spend lots of time with them. The other set we've been trying harder to see more.

I love that our girls can know them and spend time with them just like I did growing up. 

From there we went on to much feasting and fun (in the midst of many child-meltdowns) with some dear friends.

Completely unintentionally, our timing worked out so that we were able tour the farm they're in the process of purchasing. A fun treat!

With all these children under one roof for two days, I'm sure you can imagine all the excitement. Never a dull moment!

We were able to do some sight-seeing on our trip home, which was a nice ending to our getaway. 

A little fun….

a lot of beauty…

and some history and art all in one place.

A wonderful trip. 

Then of course we came home to winter going out with a bang.

A snow day extended spring break by one more day. So we just had to pack in the home improvement projects while we had the chance.

Last night I felt  the beginnings of most likely a fatigue induced illness. No energy. Achy body and head. 

Hoping it passes soon. 

In the meantime, the joy of my day today was remembering that I had a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup in the freezer. Not only could I take it out and solve the problem of what to do about dinner when the wife is sick, but it was actually something good for us! Thankful for that.

Every time I make any kind of soup I double the recipe and put half in the freezer. Today I was convinced that's one of the smartest habits I've established as a housewife.

Happy first day of Spring!

Our first baby was barely one year old when we started serving at our church in youth ministry. We'd been married about eighteen months.

In the beginning it was just a commitment to serve a couple of evenings a week and on Sundays.

That eventually led to a full-time paid ministry position. My husband spent awhile as youth leader, followed by being assistant to the youth pastor, and finally it culminated in him being THE youth pastor for a season.

Everything in our lives revolved around high school ministry. All plans were filtered through how they would affect the ministry. We were dedicated. Well, most of the time. He was always dedicated. My dedication was sort of an ebb and flow as I struggled between the pull of ministry and family life. During our career as youth leaders, our family grew from one little girl to three little girls. I started homeschooling our oldest girl.

Our babies learned to walk across the high school room carpet. The carpet that was so dirty it left their little feet dark black every time. Our girls had a trail of admiring teenagers, lots of them girls but even a few boys. They experienced things like summer camps and game nights and hike studies. When our youngest was born there were two youth group girls at the hospital within an hour, bringing flowers.

There was a lot of sweetness in those years. 

But at the same time there was a lot of struggle. Learning to be parents is hard. It's even harder when you're dealing with your own child's speech delay as well as someone else's teenager's indulgence in things that can only bring tragic results.

Learning to be married is hard too. We hadn't had a whole lot of time for that before youth ministry began. And purely by naive oversight, a lot of that learning stopped as ministry became our focus.

Don't misunderstand me; there was a lot of joy during that time in our lives. But there was also a lot of hard. A lot of late night fights because I'd sat at home alone for hours brooding over our neglect while he was out trying to connect with a bunch of teenagers over Xbox and pizza. We were both wrong in the way we were handling it all.

In spite of the struggles we did our best. We did love those kids. It did break our hearts every time we saw one of them choose some kind of temporary satisfaction that we knew would only bring long-term grief. We did our best.

But we were young, and we were only learning ourselves how to be adults. 

It's been almost five years since we stepped out of youth ministry. We spent a time after that in adult ministry, and have since had a very God-orchestrated season of rest. 

Perspective is a hard thing to have when you're in the middle of something. With the passing of time and some distance from all that youth group time, perspective has come. And we have so many regrets.

About how it affected our family. Yes.

But also about how we affected those kids. With the growing influence of a parent's perspective, we fear we were too focused on making things fun and not enough on making disciples.

After spending more time focused on our family, we fear how we may have discouraged those kids from connecting with their own families.

Our years in youth ministry were all about serving Jesus. We didn't realize how shallow we were in seeking Him because we were too busy serving. And now we fear we preached far too much service and adherence to christian living, when we should have been preaching the amazing depths of God's love for us.

Perspective has come, and we are tempted to fear that we failed.

A letter came in the mail. A short thank you from one of our former high school girls who is leading a missions trip through her college.

She thanked us for our leadership. She feels that God used us both in her life to draw her closer to Him.

All I can do is weep tears of humbled gratitude.

I know we failed. In many, many ways.

But God is faithful. Even when we fail. 

What a gift to see that God's work is not limited by our own abilities. To know that sometimes maybe He works through us. And sometimes maybe He works in spite of us. And maybe even there are times when we think it's all about what we're doing for Him; but it's so much more about what He's doing in us.

He is gracious and merciful. And He works all things for good. Even our failures.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast with my oldest girl when she voiced an observation:

“Mom, I think fried eggs are your favorite food!”

A little confused, I asked “Why do you think that?”

Her response: “Because you’re always eating them all the time.”

I considered her analysis. She’s right. We cook a lot of fried eggs in this house. But I wouldn’t say it’s because they’re my favorite. In fact I would say they have sadly fallen down the list from a desirable breakfast to a tolerated one.

I cook them all the time because it’s fast (and I’m always feeling pressed for time), it’s a source of protein (without which I’d be fainting), and they don’t have sugar (something I can’t eat for breakfast unless I want to spend the next few hours with trembling hands and a racing heart).

I really don’t care all that much about the eggs though. That’s not the part of her statement that brought me to a dead stop.

What made me pause and frantically consider was this: she’s observed that I make them all the time, and so has concluded they are my favorite.

I started mentally calculating. What else does she see me do all the time? What does she see me do repeatedly? What other arbitrary things is she being given the impression that I love, purely because I drift to them out of habit or ease?

How am I spending my time and what is that demonstrating to my girls and anyone else observing, about what matters most to me?

I sit here with this heart so absolutely convinced that one thing is of ultimate importance, and that my whole life should be a reflection of it. But is it? Do habit and routine and laziness and a twisted agenda of urgency make my life a display of things that don’t matter to me at all?

I know she was really only talking about eggs. But she got me thinking…