I haven't been sharing a whole lot of my own writing around here lately.

But just to clarify, that's not because I haven't wanted to write.

The issue is not desire or interest, but time. 

I'm sure you can relate.

There is SO much I want to do every day. So many good things, and they all feel so necessary. But the reality is that there is just not time for them all.

I have been reassessing my routines. Particularly in regards to school; working to establish a new plan for now. In regards to our home-schooling, every time I think I've got a routine down and it's the perfect fit for us, something changes and all of the sudden it just doesn't fit at all anymore. I've found that my pattern is to spend a week or two trying to make it fit anyway, then at least a week in "I give up" mode. Then finally I come around to, "Okay, how can we change things to work better for us now?".

I think we're finding a good groove in that regard (though of course who knows how long it will last?).

In the meantime, I'm working at trying to make the routine a habit. And trying to make sure other things don't get neglected. I feel like it's very fitting to describe the whole of my days as a never-ending feat of juggling.

Oh, and in the midst of all that, I've decided to (for now anyway) give up computer time at night. As a girl who often wakes in the morning exhausted by the busy-ness of her dreams, this felt like the most obvious prescription to try.

The problem with that is: nighttime was for the most part my only time on the computer. You wouldn't believe how much random screen-necessitating tasks have become backed up as I eliminated that time. 

I have yet to find another ideal time to squeeze the computer in, so for now I'm just getting to it in bits and pieces here and there throughout my days, trying to make sure I get to the essential stuff first. On the bright side it has definitely brought about a deep evaluation of how I spend my time on the computer.

So that's where I'm at. In a state of flux when it comes to how I spend each moment of my day. My brain piling up with thoughts I want to share here, but so little time to do it in. 

I'm not giving up though. I'll keep praying and paring down the unnecessary expenditures of time in my day. I want to spend all the precious time I'm given on things I love, not blow it in waste. 

How are your days going lately?

Hiding behind fine in the midst of God and everyone is insulting to the cosmic swing God set into motion. So often I feel embarrassed or guilty over my humanness, but our emotions and experiences are all a part of that swing. They add color and dimension and life. We try to hide them behind one-dimensional masks because we believe they indicate weakness or we consider them to simply be too much trouble to dissect. Trying not to experience the whole spectrum of emotions is like trying to be inhuman.
…To embrace the color and fullness of our emotional un-fine state is to open wide enough to receive compassion and grace. Only then will we be able to offer that same compassion and grace to others in honest and authentic ways.

-Emily P. Freeman
Grace for the Good Girl

~~~~~

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
-Romans 7:15

In real life…

I want to be healthy, but eat things I shouldn't.

I want to be disciplined with my time, but waste far too much of it.

I want to be a good mother, but find myself failing miserably moment after moment.

I want to be a fun wife, but am haunted by my own internal assessment that I am just boring.

I want to live slowly, but am too busy doing everything that's offered to slow down.

I want to live intentionally, but when the moments of opportunity come I make excuses.

I want to speak only gratitude, but always find excuses and justification for complaining.

I want to have my own little farm in my backyard, but can't handle all of the creatures that I encounter outside.

I want to have fun with my family, but am driven by my self-inflicted duty to be productive. To get things done.

I want to educate my children in way that is driven by the joy of learning, but often am fearful that it may be risky to defy the "standards".

I want to live for Jesus, every moment, every breath. But to live for Jesus I have to stop living for myself. And I love myself far more than I want to admit.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
-Romans 8:1-2

For more visit the Gypsy Mama.

"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world."
-Anne of Green Gables

Look what came in the mail yesterday!!!

{insert my joyously excited shrieking here. Except it's silent. Because I only get excited and scream on the inside}

Just to be clear, this is not a review. No one gave me this book so that I would tell you how great it is. 

This is just me, being excited.

The truth is the first time I heard Emily speaking about what her book was going to be, I was blown away. Like a flood of life rushing over me, her words expressed my heart and for the first time it really hit me: I'm not the only one. This isn't just me. She feels like I do!

Even now, that realization brings me to tears. 

For me, though I've only read the first three pages, the book has already been a huge gift in my life. 

I'm sure all it has to say will be wonderful and even more amazing, but right now, just knowing this story exists has been incredible. 

Knowing I'm not the only one, that changes everything.

And only three pages in, I'm seeing the depths of my heart put into words. I can't even think of words to describe how freeing that is. 

Somewhere along the way, I got the message that salvation is by faith alone but anything after that is faith plus my hard work and sweet disposition. I lived most of my life under a system I designed for myself and I labeled it The Gospel. As a good girl, every choice I made was dictated by a theology of self-sufficiency. Life was up to me, and I was prepared to get it right.
And then Jesus.
There isn't any other way to say it. Jesus makes it safe to walk out from under that system. We have a God who sees and cares and notices. He will not come undone. He remains un-overwhelmable.

-Emily P. Freeman

You can buy the book here.