For Today… February 16,2011

Outside my window… A different kind of cold morning. The kind that seems to hold a glimpse of warm mornings to come.

I am thinking… we are halfway through a ten day stretch of insane busyness. Trying to decide what's most needful on day one of my only two days to catch up.

From the learning rooms.. Valentine's Break! Wait, isn't that real? Well, my kids are getting a week off for the sake of all of our sanity. Don't worry, we doubled up last week to compensate. I'm really excited that when we get back to school next week all of our science for the rest of the year revolves around insects. Seems very fitting for spring.

I'm thankful for… home. 

From the kitchen… we've got a birthday coming on Friday and I've received a request for a "paint cake". Thinking I might try something like this.

I am wearing… pajamas. I haven't had time to sit around in pajamas for almost a week. I really needed that today.

I am reading… The Call of the Wild. I'll save my praises until I've finished it….maybe by then I'll actually have some.

I am creating… a new crown for the birthday girl. I thought that an almost nine year old might decide she was too old for a crown. But she didn't, and of course I'm thrilled.

I am hearing… Caillou. You might be thinking that is the most annoying thing possible to hear in the morning. But it's not true. An hour ago I was hearing Barney, and that is by far much more annoying!

Around the house… Catching up on laundry, making a grocery list for the big birthday party. Figuring out what to do with the excess of hearts scattered throughout the house (thinking maybe they should just count as birthday decor).

A few plans for the rest of the week… catch up today, party prep tomorrow, birthday girl's day out on Friday, party Friday night, off to winter camp for three days with Hombre on Saturday. PLEASE pray we can all stay healthy until Monday! 

For more daybooks, or if you'd like to participate, click here.

Or leave me a note in the comments… I'd love to hear about your day

Well, for those of you who decided to join in on the fun, it's time. 

Installment one of "Mother Thoughts on the 11th"….

I have to say I have really enjoyed this approach of taking a month to "digest" a single chapter. I feel like I've given it a lot more thought than I would have otherwise, and haven't felt rushed to read just to get through it and finish the book.

First I wanted to share my favorite excerpt from the first chapter:

My calling as a mother is the same as any other Christian's: to fulfill God's will for our lives and to glorify Him. This means I am to follow the Lord's design for my marriage — cleaving to my husband, supporting him, honoring him, loving him as my own flesh. I am to be a careful steward of the world in which I live. I am to seek opportunities to bring God's message of redemption to others, to make full use of the gifts and talents He has placed in my life to bring Him glory and further His kingdom. And I am to delight in Him and worship Him and praise Him in whatever circumstance I find myself.
But that's just the point. Because God has blessed me with a husband and children, a part of His call to me is to follow His plan for families. And that means I am to shepherd the hearts of the children whom He has providentially placed in my care. I am to care for them tenderly and to partner with God and my husband in leading my children to know and love His Word and to follow His will.
-Sally Clarkson

These words weren't some earth shattering revelation that I'd never heard before, but I really enjoyed the clear way she defines things. Sometimes I feel very jumbled mentally about what I am doing, and what the purpose of what I'm doing is, and something as simple as writing it out in clear terms makes a huge difference in my perspective.

So, what I didn't even realize when I started this whole book discussion thing is that there's a part at the end of each chapter "for thought and reflection". Very exciting!

I don't know if any of you had the chance to spend very much time in this section of the chapter, but I highly recommend it as it offers a lot of great things. (And it will probably the bulk of what I end up talking about)

I appreciated all of the verses referenced in this section, but the ones that held my attention the most were Titus 2:4-5:

that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

I took the time to do a word study on these verses and found some neat things:

• the word used for "love" in "love their husbands" is different than the word used for "love" as in "love their children". I think they both came from the same root, but the first was an "affectionate, wifely love" the second a "maternal love". Obvious in the context, I know, but I love how the Greek language had such specific words for every little thing. Just fascinates me. Anyway….
• the word used for "discreet" meant "sound in mind" or "self-controlled". I'm not sure what my personal definition of discreet would have been, but this is not along the lines that I was thinking. A thought-provoking surprise.
• my favorite: the word used for the phrase "homemakers" (or "keepers at home" depending on your version) means "a guard". I don't know why, I just like that.

I hope that stuff doesn't bore you, but sometimes I just really enjoy looking at verses in this way.

What I love about these verses is what they don't say. They don't say "love your husband by rubbing his feet or making him cookies or watching football". Or they don't say "be chaste by only wearing this kind of dress or that kind of shoes or this much make-up".

My husband has a  favorite quote:

"Methods are many, principles are few. Methods always change, principles never do." -On Being a Servant of God

I think this quote is perfectly relevant to these verses in Titus. They set forth godly principles for us to live by. They will look different in every home to some degree, and that's great. Because we are different people and will do things different ways. But these points do not lose their applicability (is that a word?) from person to person because they are God's principles, not concerned with the random details, but with the purposing that's going on in our hearts. I just love that.

Moving on, the "Something to Try" was easy for me in some ways.

I have kept a journal for each of my girls since they were born of memories…things we've done, things they've said. It's a really fun thing to look back at together, even though I have been very random about writing in them.  There are fun little details in there that I would have completely forgotten otherwise. I don't think it's ever too late to start doing this.

And I have pictures of my family right next to my bed already. A picture of me and my husband. And pictures of my girls now and when they were babies . They make me smile and remind me to rejoice and give thanks when it's been a long day.

Finally, I kept waiting all month to plan a personal day to evaluate and plan my goals for my family…. but it never happened. So this afternoon I just sat down and did it, while my kids were in front of the tv.

If you don't bother with any other part of this section, I think this is the part to make happen. 

It was really eye opening for me; to write out my goals for our family and each of our girls, and then to consider how I'm falling short. Honestly I was really sad when I started writing my list of what goals I'm not fulfilling and how. As I finished my list I felt like a big fat failure. Completely hopeless.

And the words that came to mind: but JESUS….

I can do nothing, and I think He likes for me to see that some times (or lots of the time) so I can see how much more I need to be seeking Him. My goals will only be accomplished by His grace and strength in me, and they are really only worth seeking to accomplish if I have brought them to Him and allowed Him to refine them.

The last part, writing out goals for improvement was kind of exciting for me. I decided to focus on habits. What habits do I want to create for myself as a mother? I came up with ten to work on for now, and if I succeed at even one of them it will be a miracle! But I am excited to pray about these things and seek the Lord to bring a change in me in the places I see that I am not what I should be. He knows even better than I do what needs to change in me.

SO, wrapping up…. I enjoyed this first chapter and like I said especially all of the application at the end. I made the mistake of browsing through the rest of the book and am now feeling so eager to read through the whole thing. But I'm being good.

Let me hear you now! Speak up in the comments. I'm dying to hear your thoughts! (You're not required to be as long-winded as me, but if you are don't hesitate to go for it)

And if you're late in joining, don't worry. You only have to read one extra chapter to be all caught up.

February's assignment: Chapter 2 Beautiful by Design

I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you should be afraid
Of a man who will die,
And of the son of a man will be made like grass?
And you forget the Lord your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth;
You have feared continually every day
Because of the fury of the oppressor,
When he has prepared to destroy.
And where is the fury of the oppressor?

Isaiah 51:12-13

It's kind of tragic to me that intense and hard circumstances tend to burn such vivid images in our minds. Or maybe it's just me. 

The happy moments…I remember…in a foggy, vague sort of way. 

But the sad, traumatic, life-changing moments….I can't ever forget. I remember details. Smells, sounds, the clothes I was wearing, that hard lump in my throat, the feeling of sitting on a cold, sterile floor.  The hard things stay in my mind in a way that takes me back, right to those moments.

Twelve years ago we had a birthday party for my baby sister. In the middle of a hospital room, with her in a little gown laying there so ill, we celebrated the big "3".

Three days later we told her goodbye.

I remember that I wore the same shirt those three days. I don't know why. It was very intentional. There was something about it that comforted me. To ignore the going on of "life" as I watched a treasured little life slowly fading. 

It overwhelmed me to be there. But I needed to be there. If it's possible to want something even though you'd rather run away from it as far and fast as you can, I wanted to be there.

I remember her sleeping. Knowing that sleep was all there would be. Soft music playing. People coming. Praying. Sitting alone with her. Telling her to go. It's okay. Go. Because they said we all needed to say that.

And she listened.

There is a joy beyond comprehension in knowing the peace and joy and life that she is experiencing now. But also, a sorrow beyond words. Still.

I've learned over the years how to set aside the memories. Because every time I let them out, I'm instantly back there; in that moment. I know that God carried all of us through those days. We are not that strong…I don't care what anybody thinks. No one is that strong.

But what I realize now, as I tell my girls about their auntie who would've been fifteen years old today, is that in setting aside those memories, I've set her aside too. 

And I don't want to do that. The most vivid memories are the most horrific ones, but there was so much more to her time with us than those days. I want to make myself remember her. The gift from God that had us all wrapped around her finger. I want to remember the joy she brought us….not the sickness that took her away. I want to remember, because I'm afraid I'm forgetting. The extraordinarily painful is overshadowing the ordinary beautiful, and the ordinary was the best part.

My brown haired, blue-eyed middle girl bears her auntie's name; I want her to know the brown-haired, blue-eyed girl who came before her. Not just know that she's gone and we miss her, but know who she was.

So, on her birthday, little things I remember about my baby sister….

She loved to sing. And dance. As soon as she could sit up she would play music on a little electric keyboard and rock back and forth to the beat.

She was a girly girl….always thrilled to dress up.

She loved Barney. As much as I couldn't stand it, she loved him.

She had a funny way of puckering up her lips, which resulted in me calling her "Duckie".

She loved to play with my make-up. And I being her teenage sister and not her mother, loved letting her play with my make-up.

She would run up and down the hall singing/shouting "I get knocked down, but I get up again…You're never gonna keep me down!" Her musical tastes I'm sure were a product of the teenage sisters.

She loved my friends. She would just want to come lay on my bed when my friends were over and listen to us talk.

She loved Jesus. There's a reason the Bible tells us to have faith like a child. It's because their faith is true, perfect faith.

She was the baby I prayed would come. For years I prayed for a new baby. One day God said yes. And she was amazing.

Join me please! If you knew her, please share your special memories of our sweet girl. Let's remember and celebrate her life together.