This is my Father's world, O let me ne'er forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler yet.

This is my Father's world: the battle is not done;

Jesus who died shall be satisfied,  and earth and heav'n be one.

-Maltbie Babcock 

A friend passed away this last week. 

It was sudden, unexpected. So unexpected.

It's not like I was a close friend.  She was actually the mother of a friend, and the two of them have been a part of my family's little book club for the last several months.

But I'm so sad that's she's gone. 

Obviously, so sad for my friend, who will spend the rest of her life without her mother. When I think about that it seems so ridiculous and silly to say I'm sad. Who am I, really to get to grieve this woman?

Over the last nine months she's been a part of my life for a couple of hours each month, the first Monday night of the month. That is all. I never spoke to her outside of that. Never even saw her outside of that actually.

And  yet there is an absence now. It feels big. I wouldn't have thought it would feel that way, but it does.  I will miss her.

Her memorial was today and it was so neat to hear all of these people who really knew her share about her.  

The day she died I wrote in my journal "I will miss her laugh."  

Today everyone shared about her great laugh. And it made me feel privileged that I got to experience this wonderful thing about her. Blessed that I got to know this woman who was so special to so many people.

They all talked about how much she loved Jesus, and of course there is such a precious joy and peace in that. We rejoice that she is rejoicing. 

But still, her absence brings sorrow.

It's amazing to me that someone can be such a relatively small part of your life, and yet leave such an impression. I spent a dozen or so hours with her, spread over many months, and I haven't stopped thinking how much I'll miss her for the last week. She was real, honest and bold, and had this way of just getting to know you right off without wasting time. I'm sure that's what makes me feel so connected to her even though my time spent with her was just a little speck of her life. 

I'm so thankful that I got to know her. That it wasn't just my friend's mom that I mourned today, but a woman who was a friend to me. Though it was a small friendship, as friendships go, it was enough to leave an affection that will always be there. Such a special gift. 

Our book club selection for this month was Heidi. My choice.  She was so excited when I announced what we would be reading next; said it was one of her favorites as a little girl.  It was so hard for me to pick it up and read with my girls the day that I learned she was gone.

But then this was in the chapter we read, and it just felt so fitting. An old hymn, the perfect words in memory of a dear woman.

The sun's orb of gold
Brings joys untold;
Brings us the showers,
And the shining hours,
Brings heartfelt rejoicing and beautiful light.

Heavy of heart,
I languished apart;
Now again I am strong.
Now I raise my loud song,
Praising the Lord with my strength and my might.

I see, up above,
What God in his love
Has made to teach men,
Again and again,
How strong and how great is His kingdom on high.

How one and how all
Who list to His call,
May gather in peace
Where all sorrows cease,
When from this earthly prison they fly.

All things go past;
God only stands fast,
Stands firm as the rock,
Scorns tempest's rude shock;
His word and His will must forever endure.

His blessing and grace
Make holy each place;
Heal in the heart
The aching and smart;
He raises the dying, the sick He can cure.

Sorrow and pain
Will ne'er come again;
The storm and the wind
Are all left behind,
For the heavenly sun shows his beautiful face.

Purest delight,
Peaceful and bright, 
I now await
At the heavenly gate;
My heart and my soul are all flooded with grace.

When I was six weeks of age a slight cold caused an inflammation of the eyes, which appeared to demand the attention of the family physician; but he not being home, a stranger was called. He recommended the use of hot poultices, which ultimately destroyed the sense of sight. When this sad misfortune became known throughout our neighborhood, the unfortunate man thought it best to leave; and we never heard of him again. But I have not for a moment, in more than eighty-five years, felt a spark of resentment against him because I have always believed from my youth to this very moment that the good Lord, in His infinite mercy, by this means consecrated me to the work that I am still permitted to do. When I remember His mercy and lovingkindness; when I have been blessed above the common lot of mortals; and when happiness has touched the deep places of my soul, –how can I repine?

-Fanny J. Crosby

Of course we couldn't have all the fun and fancy without me stopping to look back.

My second baby. 

The only one of my babies that was roly-poly. I call her marshmallow cheeks.

A little demanding right from the start. But a lot of fun too.

The opposite of her big sister in most ways.

She's always been drawn to make-up and dress-up and jewelry. And she hasn't stopped to catch her breath since she found her first words.

Now she's six.

And she's still all that she's always been. But quickly becoming so much more. I feel like I'm learning to know who she is all over again. Like making a new friend. Finding how we connect and working to bridge the areas where we differ. 

One minute resorting to "You are SIX". As in "Stop being ridiculous and act your age".  

Usually followed not long after by "She's ONLY six." As in "She's still just a baby girl. Give her a break."

Praying to survive the battle of discipline and grace.

Praying for her little heart to be shaped by One who is far more capable than I can ever hope to be. Asking to be used in her life, and for all the failures and mistakes she suffers by my hand to be covered by His grace for me.

We've already done six once. So I should have it down, right? 

If only it were that simple.

I'm so excited for a new year with my fancy girl.