Slowing Down
June 25th, 2008 by Ashley
I had a little help with dinner last night. It was fun. It took a bit longer, but nobody starved.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the kind of mom I thought I would be before I had kids, and the kind of mom I am now that they’re here.
There were a lot of things I didn’t know then. I had no idea how messy it would be. I didn’t picture them doing things in a disorderly way. I never gave much thought to whining, fighting or talking back. I just had this rosy picture of all the fun we could have, and didn’t see the rest.
But now that I’m here, with my kids, it seems to be the reverse. ALL I can see is the mess, the complications, the meltdowns, and that rosy picture has become some distant memory. I’m not sure how I got here from there, but lately it’s been really hitting me…this is NOT where I want to be.
I’ve always known I’m too obsessive. Too controlling. To wrapped up in keeping everything perfect at all times. But I’ve been realizing lately how much I’m missing.
I know things have to be done. The dishes can’t wait forever, and the laundry REALLY can’t wait forever, and if we don’t pick up the toys now and then pretty soon there will be nowhere in the entire house we can walk.
A few months ago this verse came up at ladies’ Bible study:
And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
~Luke 10:41-42
I’ve read this story a hundred times, and I’ve known all along that I’m just like Martha, and that Mary chose the good thing. That’s great. But what really struck me when reading it this time was the last part: that good part,…..WHICH WILL NOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER. That’s what the big deal is. There are lots of good things to be chosen, but how many of them can’t ever be taken away from you.
How much of our weariness is related to chasing
after things wholly unrelated to glorifying God?”
~Jane Bentley
I didn’t want to answer that question when I read it. Because I would have to say probably all of it. All of what keeps me SO busy is pretty much made up in my own head. It’s fine to be busy, but busy and never content is totally different.
My busyness is related to all of the things I want to be done all the time, and my happiness/contentment/peace is also linked to those things. And what happens when we choose good things that aren’t Jesus: they can be taken away from us. My good things, like a clean house, with all of the laundry done and all of the dishes washed and everything in it’s place at all times gets taken away from me EVERY DAY, usually several times a day. So why do I cling to it so desperately? As long as I put it first I will never be happy.
Sorry if I’m rambling, it’s late and my thoughts are kind of scattered. The obvious point is God needs to come first. For me this is meaning something a little deeper. Putting Him first has to carry over into my everyday life…and the good things I’m choosing.
Lately it’s become clear to me that I need to RELAX, and stop focusing so much on the hard stuff. I don’t ever enjoy anthing because I just see all the negatives (sometimes real, sometimes imagined) surrounding it. I want to have joy in my life, and I want my little girls to grow up with happy memories. They can have those forever.
I saw an older man not too long ago whose wife had passed away recently, and I found myself thinking about things like how hard it must be for him having to take care of the house and his meals, etc., thinking about how much he must miss her. But then it hit me; he probably doesn’t miss the things she did… he probably just misses HER, being there, to talk to, to share life with.
I don’t want to be gone one day and the only thing that makes people notice my absence is that the house is dusty.
So I’m trying to slow down. Take time to relax. Enjoy my girls, enjoy my family and friends, just LIVE life, instead of working so hard to keep life under control. Because it will be over all too quickly. And my little girls will be grown up SO SOON. I want to just have fun with them, and let them be little as long as they can.
Life is too short and too much time is wasted on things that don’t matter. Jim Elliot once said
Wherever you are be all there. Live to the hilt every
situation you believe to be the will of God.
What a peace it would bring to die knowing that in every situation you chose the best thing…the thing that was pleasing to God and in turn blessed other people.
I know it’s the will of God for me to be a mom to three crazy little girls, and I want to enjoy it, to really savor every moment with them. Because even though time will pass quickly, and those moments will be gone, the joy of having lived them is something that can’t be taken away. It’s a gift. I don’t want to be so busy that I miss it.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of ligths…
~James 1 :17
Posted in About Me, Family, Little Girls
Whether your tired or not…this was amazing. My moms house was ALWAYS sparkling clean, and dust free…we’ve had this discussion before; need I say more?
Comment by sis-in-law — June 29, 2008 @ 11:45 am
This is definatly a struggle for me too…Its alaways good to know that moms i see as “good” moms that seem to have it together stuggle with it too. Thanks maybe i will let my oldest help me with the dishes tonight when she asks
Comment by Jenn — May 17, 2009 @ 4:40 pm
Oh, this is so beautiful. I love how you are sorting it out and have offered these relevant quotes and thoughts and photos.
Were you able to sustain this mindset?
Looking at those photos of your kids…well, I have three crazy girls who not long ago looked something like your daughters.
Now they’re 15, 13, and 11 years old (and they have their little brother, age 7). You can see the backs of their heads in that recent post of mine where I’m in the middle of them as they hug me.
Comment by Ann Kroeker — June 26, 2009 @ 7:33 pm
[...] 27, 2009 in Uncategorized About a year ago, Ashley at One Ordinary Day mused about Slowing Down her life as mom of three little [...]
Pingback by Savor Every Moment « — June 26, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
Hope you don’t mind, but I just linked to this from my notsofastbook.com blog. Great stuff.
Comment by Ann Kroeker — June 26, 2009 @ 7:52 pm
Ann.. I can’t even think about my girls being 15, 13, and 11….I know it will come way too fast!
I think the “slowed down” mindset is definitely a discipline that has to be practiced. For awhile I’ll do really well, then I go back to OCD crazy person. But God always seems to throw me a curve when I need it (although I might not want it
and get me back on track with savoring my blessings each day.
Comment by Ashley — June 26, 2009 @ 9:56 pm